you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
