I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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