So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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