I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
