she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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