is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
