This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
