nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
