I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
