What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
