I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
