did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
