Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You ruined the universe
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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