No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
