i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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