I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
