Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
