This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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