I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
BRING THE BAGELS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
