Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
