Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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