i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
