OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
