Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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