The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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