funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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