It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You took a bar mat shot.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
