im so drunk with asians
where?
always
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
