even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
