WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
