I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
