I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
