Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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