I feel like abortions should bother me more
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
