I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
