you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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