The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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