bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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