Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
