They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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