dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
false alarm, still single
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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