Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want her autograph on my taint
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
