Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
