he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
