I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
