I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
