You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
