I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
