is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
