I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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