I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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